The dangers of caring.

As i've made clear, i'm not a person who cares much about much.

But...it seems when one does care about something, one always pays for it. It's opening yourself to so many more vulnerabilities, like instead of just having to guard yourself, you have to worry about every one you care about's emotions and feelings. Furthermore, there is NOTHING you can do to make those better...like sitting in a stadium while someone you care about is getting brutalized, but not being able to help.

So the people you love get hurt, and it hurts you. And it really seems less and less worth it all the time.

Maybe I'm a sociopath, maybe I have a warped sense of reality, or maybe I just need to shut up. But caring about people can be a risky buisiness.

He's done, folks...carry on.

That's why I love Jesus so much - because in the end, He shows us why we are worth so much to Him, even though we have grieved Him so much.

Creating humanity involved great risk and massive love. He felt we were worth, so I just try to reciprocate. Maybe that helps...

I am somewhere between you two. in the past I was very uncaring about all things except my dog Killer. Nowadays I know that I am supposed to be caring but am still dealing with a lot of negative emotions and people all the time so most of the time I really don't care.
BUT once I do care about someone I am like a fierce mother lion with them. Screw with someone I care about and you see the old me come out real quick. But then it's the vicious cycle of it reeeally hard for me to care about anyone.
I wish I could be more caring and loving but when you see people expose their true colors to you (which people have this automatic almost trust of me when I'm talkin to them in real life) you sort of become jaded towards people in general.

switchbladeknitter wrote:

once I do care about someone I am like a fierce mother lion with them. Screw with someone I care about and you see the old me come out real quick.

exactly! the problem comes in when you *can't* help them, though...it's just, miserable. i've always been a strong person, i've always loved intensely those i care about. and when i can't help them i feel so...pathetic. and yes, i know it's not my fault.

and, PTX, i see your point there...how sad it would be to see everything you created go asunder and being able to do nothing but wait, furthermore how hard it would be to love those who did it.

I think maybe the balance lies is learning when you can't do anything but be there to support them and not jump into the line of fire.
One phrase I have been hearing a lot lately on Christian radio is 'that's why God is God and we are not' so true - if you ever watch me play SimCity you'd get a good idea of what would happen to the world
everything is good for awhile then -earthquake, tornado, alien invasion, giant robot, fire...meh I'm starting a new city

it is so easy to feel that way. "why care, it's just going to get me hurt".

there is some truth in that! but, apathy can suck the life right out of you.

the best i can give, is when you are going through a crisis, try not to think about it too hard. when you are going through the thing, it is almost impossible to see what is really going on.

the storm will settle. when the storm is calm, (however long that might take), take the time to think about where you have been and where you are. you will have a fresh perspective on things.

pessimism: hyper-negativity. doom and gloom. apathy. existentialism. "nothing matters, and what if it did?!".

this outlook might seem "safer", but when the innocent things that brings joy comes, you kind of miss it.

optimism: i see this different than faith. hyper-optimism not only makes you look for gold in the swine-pools, it can also make you unfeeling to others who are going through crisis and need support.

realism: the balance in life. in the basis of all matter is the atom. in the center of the atom, there are POSITIVE charged ions moving in one direction, and NEGATIVE charged ions moving in the other direction. the resist each other, yet the cling at the same time. though chaotic, there is perfect order to it.

realism is not - or +, realism is the whole thing. the proper perspective on life. you will not always see it, but it is there. this is what faith is like. it is not "getting what you want", it is more "getting what is better than what you want". it is walking in the presence of god, and allowing him to show you things.

yeah, you'll still get depressed sometimes, and you will still be overjoyed at times. emotions, though powerful, are not really to be trusted. god is!

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
— Mother Teresa

In my experience, showing care and compassion for people can prove both heart wrenching and extremely rewarding.

I am like the OP, suffering from an intense apathy. Several occasions I have emotionally flat-lined. Don't dwell in that apathy, rise from it.

What I mean to say is care, care hard about at least one thing. Yes it will hurt when this thing is gone, but when I see those around me who care about what goes on around them I know that their lives are more meaningful.

I urge you really implore you, to give it a try. No matter how it hurts care. Stay focused on what's good about the thing for which you care when things get difficult or painful but do care. We should not live uncaring about those around us. It is not good to simply exist my friend.

Also remember that caring does not mean taking up responsibility for the safety of those whom you care about, but that you share in their burdens. They in turn will share in yours, thus we help to support one another in this harsh life. Just remember one thing during all of this. God does not seek to harm us but has plans to prosper us. Hold faith that He who is able to do exceeding and abundantly more than we could ever ask or think is watching over us. There's a song I like, thats about how His hands that hold the world are hold our hearts.

He wont burden us with more than we can handle, so care my friend care for and love your neighbor, know that the joys gained therein through living life full of love is so much greater than the sorrows you face now stewing in your own apathetic life. When you care for and love another you share in their joys, their successes.

Well just always make sure you're being a true friend and that deep down in your heart you are actually trying to help them by being their friend, and not just trying to control them or their emotions, or to "fix" them.

That gets irritating, I've had people try to do that to me a lot.

I don't need anybody to "fix" me or my situation if I'm upset. What I usually need is a TRUE friend and prayer partner.

"Laugh with him who laughs, weep with him who weeps".

Very few Christians today can seem to do that....

yeah, no kidding. I mean, what's the point of caring bout somebody if all its gonna do is make your life even worse, if that is possible? I'm so confused.

The point is that YOU are a true friend. All you need to do is "clean up your side of the street" as my brother tells me they say in A.A. Other than that w/e the other person does, is their responsibility.

Like I said you can't change them and you can't fix them. BUT if you pray for them on a regular basis, God is better at changing and fixing them than you are, and you will have been a true friend if you do that.

Just don't forget to call them once in a while to see if they want to just hang out or do something.

It's very hard for me to care, as well. I'm severely commitment phobic, so when I DO manage to care, I tend to have anxiety attacks over it lol. However, if I don't care, I feel guilty.

I'm naturally cynical, too. Generally, I have to fight not to hate the hypocrisy and apparent idiocy of humanity.

I just try to remind myself that I'm not the only one Christ died for and that those people are just as important as I am. Even if I can only care from a distance, every one of them has a soul that means the world to Christ and I should at least remember that.